This week in network TV began with a few unsurprising episode arcs on ABC’s Once Upon A Time and FOX’s Family Guy, with Regina (Lana Parrilla) still suffering at the hands of her past and Peter Griffin exploiting his children (#SaveMeg2016). FOX also followed up with a new episode of Last Man on Earth on Sunday night and New Girl* on Tuesday night. (I hope you enjoy the misplaced illustration of Munsch; there was no Scream Queens this week.)
The second episode of OUAT’s sixth season began with the other Regina (Evil Queen. The useless one. Still here.) breaking into the real Regina(who the writers hate, apparently)’s cemetery vault. Once inside, she steals a heart (later revealed to belong to the Count of Monte Cristo) that will make it easier for her to further screw with Regina’s life. Zelena (who was watching her baby during this?) came along because of how desperate she is for a loving sister. Again, both need to lay off those apple martinis.
Meanwhile, Granny’s diner-with-a-crusty-motel-on-top is overrun with unplaced commoners from the “Land of Untold Stories” who have no idea what a jukebox is (made clear by a man aggressively yelling that he, in fact, does not know what a jukebox is). Things get interesting when the Count (who is now under the control of the Evil Queen) appears to Henry in the diner for half a second before disappearing, which you all know I love to see happen during crucial scenes. After a short flashback to fairytale land, or as I like to call it, the “Land of Hella Green Screen Ballrooms,” it is revealed that the Evil Queen made a deal with him that entailed giving him the revenge he desired in return for killing Snow White and Prince Charming.
The most important part that the Count plays in this episode is reaffirming how much Regina has truly changed. She makes it her mission to prove to him that revenge really won’t make him happy in the end. Unfortunately, her evil half has plans to make her fall right back into the old scheme of things. After a terribly executed split screen standoff (the Queen looked like a piece of construction paper. Come on ABC!) and the necessary killing of the Count to save Snow and Charming, the Evil Queen threatens Regina with the promise that she will eventually go back to her old ways. In slight affirmation of this, Emma closes out the episode by sharing that the person from her death-shake visions could possibly be the Evil Queen…or Regina. That is yet to be discovered by viewers.
Family Guy made the night a little brighter by throwing us into some more McFarlane antics, starting with Stewie and Brian’s restaurant deal with the late Frank Sinatra Jr. The trio’s plan goes perfectly, except for the fact that Sinatra allows every costumer to eat for free and tanks the restaurant’s finances in the process. So in other words, forget what I said before. Fortunately, the storyline did include a jazz-style song highlighting the restaurant’s best qualities in a way that only Family Guy has mastered.
The episode’s other storyline centered around Chris’s success as a pitcher on his high school baseball team and how his loveable idiot father turned it into a hustle. Things ended on a positive note though, as they usually do, with Chris overcoming the sabotage of Peter’s friends and winning the state championship. Plus, there was a Chris-winning-things montage so everything was worth it.
Sunday night came to a close with Last Man on Earth picking up right where the last episode ended; the mad dash away from Pat’s rage of insanity. In the midst of flooring it in their escape vehicle, Todd actually ended up running right over Pat (an important detail I left out in the last recap of Last Man).
The gang seeks refuge in what appears to be Cher’s old house, as confirmed by the presence of her corpse, cheek bones and all, in the master bedroom. The main conflict, however, is shifted to Todd’s struggle with killer’s remorse after Tandy discovers Pat’s (maybe) dead body in the road. Upon his discovery, Tandy does with the body as I usually do with appliance manuals, discarding it directly over bags of old trash.
In the hopes of relieving Todd of his guilt, Tandy lies and assures him that Pat is still alive; he goes as far as to write on Cher’s living room walls with blood (the most pathetic and hilarious of all his attempts is a staged death scene with a stuffed hazmat suit). Of course, Tandy has to eventually admit that Pat was in fact “killed” by Todd’s driving—or so they thought. After discovering that their boat is missing, the group visits Pat’s trashy resting place, only to find…well, not Pat. Dramatic cliffhanger.
And that’s the first half of the week! From now on, cumulative recaps will be posted on Tuesdays and Thursdays! If you like what you’ve read so far, leave a comment, share this post, or click back in a few days for more content.
*I have actually—yet again (remember that lazy list I threw together last week?)—disrespected New Girl. I was too busy eating a half melted Twix over my trashcan to even watch the episode. Sorry Zooey.