Another week of betrayal, laughs and libel has passed on network TV and there’s plenty to discuss. Starting with Robert Carlyle’s weird haircut and working our way down, here are some highlights from this week’s television releases.
Sunday night began with ABC’s Once Upon A Time forcing us to sit and watch as Rumple-Gold-skin gave himself a down-feather taper fade (honestly, I can’t find any other words to describe the destructive haircut he gave himself in that tiny ass mirror). He was interrupted by The Evil Queen and Mr. Hyde, who stopped by to retrieve a cameo necklace that belonged to Mary, the love of Hyde/Jekyll’s life. Before leaving, the Evil Queen makes a promise not to hurt Belle (but if you took that seriously, you’re a lost cause among primetime viewership).
The night’s flashbacks reveal the birth of Hyde (via Jekyll’s chugging of a serum to separate oneself from the Freudian Id), Rumple’s disastrous hand in Jekyll’s experiment, and the fatal fall from a window that killed Mary. In an interesting twist of events, it turns out that Mary’s death was the fault of Jekyll and not his evil counterpart. The crime is, however, pinned on Hyde and its believable because…well he’s “evil.”
In the end, it’s Jekyll who was the evil one; he even went as far as targeting Belle for revenge against Rumple for “ruining” his experiment. In the end, Jekyll is killed. But a HUGE game changer is unearthed when Hyde automatically dies as well. The conclusion? In order for any evil copy to die, the original must die first. Yikes.
FOX ended the night on a laughing note with Family Guy, recounting Quagmire’s fall from air-pilot turned gigolo to full blown prostitute (booty shorts and hooker heels included). And because Seth Macfarlane never fails us, Peter was there to play the part of Quagmire’s pimp, Big Pete. He was also apparently there when Donald Trump was on the Access Hollywood bus. Additionally, the episode showcases Brian’s adventures as a working man and Stewie’s success in ruining that for him (by rupturing his hernia and then performing surgery on it with home improvement tools).
The week progressed with ABC’s The Middle on its new Tuesday night timeslot. The latest episode followed Sue on her first day of college classes—or so she thought. It turns out her financial aid was dropped because she didn’t fill out the FAFSA (*ALWAYS remember to fill out your Financial Aid paperwork every year!). No worries though, because in the end it was Mike who secretly pulled his funds from a local company to pay her tuition (Mike Heck is the dad most of you never had). Brick’s inability to swallow a pill was also highlighted in this episode, but quickly resolved after Frankie rear-ended a truck so hard that it forced him to swallow.
Of course, all glory on Tuesday night goes to Scream Queens on FOX for its hilarious use of classic horror tropes and, above all else, Niecy Nash. The episode picked up minutes after the death of Chad Radwell, with Chanel Oberlin already dressed as Jackie Kennedy and ready for dramatic mourning. But by far, the best part of the morgue scene was Denise Hemphill’s long speech recounting her love affair with Chad.
After Denise and Munsch consult Hester about the killings, they decide to have a Halloween party to lure the killer to the scene, since the hospital has a history of murders on Halloween night. Hester was let out that night and she did some knifing of her own, dressed as Ivanka Trump.
It turns out Chad Radwell left his entire fortune to Dean Doctor Munsch and that really didn’t sit well with Chanel O. But even worse for her, Chad’s ghost openly admitted to loving Denise during a session with an Ouija board. And to top it all off, Chanel has to deal with having blue skin as a side effect of the colloidal silver given to her by Dr. Holt (naturally, she goes to the Halloween party as Smurfette).
When a ton of costumed party goers come into the hospital with an unknown ailment, it’s up to Zayday and Holt to find out what’s plaguing them. And after some research (and a tip about apple bobbing from some chick dressed as Snow White), they come to the come conclusion that someone poisoned the apple bobbing water at the party these patients came from; that person is the Green Meanie.
Amongst all the craziness, Chanel #5 gets caught up between crazy Hester and the Green Meanie, who stabs her from behind. Coming to her rescue is Denise, who suffers from some unwanted defibrillation at the hands of the Green menace (one of the funniest lines in this episode: “You didn’t need to do that! My heart is fine!). We’re left to decide whether Denise is dead or not; I’m hoping she isn’t.
ABC’s Wednesday night winner, Black-ish, continued its streak of social-comedic genius by tackling the predicament black men are put in when faced with the daunting presence of lost little white girls in elevators. The ability of this show’s writers to tackle the issue of black public image and actually make it funny is worth more than applause. And with the addition of rich white boys blasting trap music from a convertible (while throwing dabs around like class-action lawsuits), this show just continues to get better. The episode also featured Bow’s struggle for the attention of her children, which she solved by playing hard to get (at least now we know that tactic works for something).
How To Get Away With Murder rounded out the week’s best episodes, with the ABC drama continuing the suspense surrounding Annalise’s burning house and who might have died inside. My guess is Frank, how about you?
Annalise finally went to an AA meeting, but decided she hated it; even after Mary J Blige gave her an inspiring speech while sewing in her weave (this scene actually happened. Television loves to squeeze MJB into random things nowadays for reasons I can’t explain). We see a vulnerable side of Annalise after Wes comes to check on her during a binge drinking session; despite her stubbornness, she’s obviously a hurting woman who needs support.
Meanwhile, Bonnie meets up with Frank and eventually sleeps with him at a motel. After he leaves her in the morning, she has a breakdown in that same motel, without closing the door behind her. I don’t like Bonnie.
We also find out that the loud asshole from Annalise’s active lawyer class is responsible for those “killer” flyers from two episodes ago and that Michaela’s mom is white. But the biggest piece of information shared with viewers that night? The dead person from the house fire is a male (Am I right about Frank!?). Placing bets now; the man from the fire is the father of Laurel’s baby.
Have any thoughts about what aired this week? Comment below or share this post with a fellow TV glutton and return next week for some more reading.