Tonight’s network primetime line-up featured the season premiere of ABC’s Once Upon A Time, plus the season openers of FOX’s Family Guy and Last Man on Earth. Fun fact: I didn’t finish “catch-up-binging” Once or Last Man, so following the events of these two episodes tonight was extra enjoyable. That also means that I may not be able to connect a few previous events to the latest occurrences on the shows, so keep reading for some fun stuff!
Tonight’s episode of OUAT began with a helpful flashback of Jafar zapping the hell out of someone while gunning it on a magic carpet (I thought that belonged to Aladdin though…am I missing something?). After reducing an innocent man to complete ash using his creepy snake staff, Jafar delivers a long, defensive rant to Aladdin, who he refers to as a “savior.” In short, Jafar basically ensures Aladdin that his life will be miserable just like all the other saviors before him (could this be tied to Emma? Place your bet in the comment section). Jafar makes his badass exit as the camera zooms in on Aladdin’s trembling hands (this is a clue!).
Back in Storybrooke, Emma (Jennifer Morrison) and Hook are dry humping each other on a couch. And because the director hates you, the scene is cut short by the disruptive shaking caused by a big ass blimp (or is it that ship thing from the Disney Atlantis cartoon?). Emma and Hook join the rest of the townspeople just in time to witness Mr. Hyde say something douchey and then something profound:
“Nothing more dangerous than an untold story…and the people who don’t want them told.”
True to the annoying cryptic nature of anything said on network TV, Hyde pretty much leaves it at that before running away. He is later caught and locked up, but not before Emma begins to violently shake during what seems like a flashback (her shakes are similar to Aladdin’s…).
Meanwhile, Rumple is trying his damnedest to awaken Belle out of her sleep. She, of course, caused this sleep as a way to protect her and her unborn child from the previous season’s dangers in Storybrooke. While in her dream, Rumple realizes a few things: Belle still dreams of him as his former monstrous self, ballroom dancing can make your evil castle look pretty, and also that his unborn son hates him. To save you the details, Belle is awakened but totally still mad at Rumple for being an ass last season (and all because her unborn son, who they both met while in her dream, told her to stay the hell away from him for her safety).
As for the rest of the episode: a weird blond girl in the forest tells Emma she’s going to die (and that her shaking flashbacks are actually psychic visions into the future), Regina blames Zelena for Robin’s death (but is still keeping up a pretty clean, refined image), and the Evil Queen (a separate and seemingly useless copy of Regina) has returned with apple martinis. Hooray.
Family Guy opened on a nice tribute to Gene Wilder; one that made reference to unwanted sexual exchanges in the Great Glass Elevator. However, it was a song played during a horrifying Wiggles parody that pushed Stewie to begin his music career; writing and performing songs that deal with real baby issues like prenatal alcoholism and “mommy daddy wrestle match sounds.”
Stewie and Brian’s music duo, “Red Shirt, Blue Shirt” was short lived, however, with the reintroduction of Stewie’s theatre class ex, Olivia. Olivia, being the sociopath she is, kickstarts a plan to boot Stewie from his own group and eventually take the whole show over for herself. It works, of course, and in the end she takes center stage along with Vinny, the dog who should have never existed on Family Guy, ever (if you remember, he replaced Brian for a short time after his death). Oh yeah, and this week’s B-story followed Chris’s job as Quagmire’s assistant, handling the technical side of the neighborhood perv’s sexual endeavors. There was also a Kirstie Alley Cheers joke.
Last, but definitely least in my opinion, Last Man on Earth premiered its third season by killing Jon Hamm in a hazmat suit; because Melissa apparently has not learned her lesson about using firearms. With both Erica and Carol now pregnant, the group of “last people” are now daunted with the task of carefully selecting who is safe/worthy enough to live amongst them. Naturally, they choose to let the two remaining hazmat strangers, Louis and Pat, stay with them.
The most memorable quote was delivered by Carol (Kristen Schaal) and it goes:
“Eyebrows are the curtains to the windows to the soul of the face.”
So there you have it. Also, Pat turned out to be crazy, as most regular viewers of the show already knew. After seeing a picture of the dearly departed Mike (Jason Sudeikis) on the ledge, he goes completely psycho and holds everyone at gun point. The episode ends with them all making a run for it and then, a (drive for it? They ended up in a car, okay.)
And that was Sunday night! What have we learned? If you see someone with a bad case of the shakes, don’t automatically think “crackhead”; instead, think “savior psychic.” Also, eyebrows are important.
Don’t forget to click back over tomorrow for Monday’s recap roundup!